Thursday, December 31, 2009

Getting that bride back!

On January the Second this year, I made myself some promises, or resolutions as you would have it. Twenty critical, humorous and insignificant points were listed down, and it was hoped that a few of them could be achieved.

It is with great honour and Pride in my heart that I announce that fifteen of the twenty tasks laid down were completed (partially or otherwise). Taking this breath taking and awe inspiring success rate into account, I have been motivated to draw out some more Commandments for the next year. (Which is now precisely two hours and sixteen minutes away).

The mind has started running in full gear and crucial things are being thought of. Shoo away now!

On another note, there's a thought thats been on my mind for quite sometime, It's hard to believe that another years' passed by. How life has worn this white wedding dress, and is not really walking down the aisle, but is running away from you, on a horse with a Hot shirtless man, while you just stand in your black suit with a yellow rose pinned, watching helplessly.

But still, I hope for fresh starts, for anyone who needs them; and perfect endings to dubious beginnings. Because its not really about how to start a race, but how you end it.

This year is quite the race for me, the one which decides where I'm headed in life, lets see how I fare.

I hope I get that bride back to where she belongs, in the kitchen!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

That goodbye........

As I kiss your forehead
and our hearts beat
beat down our tears
and steal the strength from our knees,
they buckle into one another. ....

Winter Love....

If I could dream, for just one moment, I would hold you tight the first time we met. Would kiss you under that mistletoe, as the snow flakes fell on your nose, making you giggle. That red rose, resting above your ear would freeze in your thick smooth hair.

But we wouldn't let this cold winter bother us, because we had each other. We would devour those vanilla cookies and drown in that mulled wine. Swimming in circles, catching dreams and stuffing them in our pockets, as we went along the way.

We would make love when it snowed and kiss when the rays shone. It could be our little game, our little secret. We would never have to go outside, just be wrapped up in that warm Red blanket you won at the Fair last year. I would hold you in my arms and rock you slowly, blowing in your ear every now and then. You nudge me with your elbow, but giggle it off. The only light in the room would be from those burning branches I cut in the morning. You would wear that green scarf I bought you two winters ago, when we first met, under that mistle toe.

The white flakes would glisten outside and play tricks with us, as we would get lost in its sparkles. You would run out, spread your arms and go around in circles ever so slowly with your eyes shut. And I would follow you, ready to catch you. But you would go around trees deceiving me, all over again. I would give up eventually, and you would do that little old snow dance you love.

Under that tree, is a patch of brown. We could sit there all day, and dream a little more. I would make a list, penning down all that you did in the past year and whether you deserve Santa's gift after all. You could say you steal. Hearts, thoughts and lives. Guilty as charged.

But this is still our dream. Please be gentle. With that red rose, resting on your ear, frozen in your thick smooth hair.

The snow wouldn't be cold enough for those long walks......

...on lost paths,
to lost spaces
and lost time...

...where we would find each other
in the greens, reds and whites....

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I wonder...

I wonder how the word Hate can exist when I have a double Chocolate Brownie Sundae topped with nuts and cherries lying infront of me.

Making that mess.

Pick up that green
and mess your hair with it

Paint your dreams
that perfect yellow

Get that red
and tear that love letter

Take that pink
and just leave it be

Draw that blue
and chase the sky

Dip your fingers in black
and run streaks across your face.

Blow on that purple
and make those bubbles pop!

Throw a dash of white
and then walk away

before someone sees you
Making that mess.

Toasted Bread.

As he tip toed across the wooden floor in his white linen pajamas, he wished that the sound of the creaks wouldn't wake her up. The first light broke calmly on her face through those thin cream curtains. Today he would make breakfast for her. It was one of those few days when he beat the alarm and wanted to do something about it. He entered the kitchen and thought to himself how best he could put his amateurish skills to use. He hoped burning the place down wasn't one of them. So he heated the pan and prepared the batter. Tossed the pancakes and beat the eggs. Popped the kettle and placed the cups. Put the rose in that vase and sang that song ever so silently as he did that little dance. He was at his cheekiest best and he loved it.
When suddenly he heard her giggling across the room. Startled, he turned around, only to see her wearing his oversized green checked shirt from office yesterday. Without saying a word, she walked towards him, pecked him on his lips and said "the Breads' burnt, Mr. Cook."

In that coffee shop.

Stand near a window when it rains
and make up shapes with those droplets
or just race them down.
Fog up the surface
and write your name
or just a smile.
Make faces at your reflection
or just raise an eyebrow.
Press your nose against it
and then your cheek.

And before you know it
Your favourite chai is served.
Just as you ordered.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

2 a.m.

The ash fell outside the ashtray as he flicked his cigarette, but he didnt even bother to notice. That book was reaching its climax and there was nothing in the world that could keep him from enjoying it. He tilted to his side a bit more, so that the bed side lamp could throw some more light on the page. He did, however, make sure that he was careful in flipping those pages, he didnt want his anxiety to wake her up. He adjusted his glasses to rest on his nose better. There was a peculiar smile on his face, one that would seldom show. He drew some more nicotine into his body as the intoxication from that book rose.

She tugged the sheet as she changed sides . On other days he would fight for his share of the sheet, but not today; That chapter was spectacularly captivating. So he let out a bit of the sheet, making sure he sat on its edge so that she wouldn't take it all away. Yes, she was evil and Yes, he loved her so; but right then, the book tested his fidelity. He flicked the pages faster, at times jumping paragraphs to learn what happened. "How this could potentially end?", he asked himself as different scenarios took shape in his mind. And then came the last page, he read it ever so slowly and took it all in. He shut the book, looked up and smiled; that smile which transformed itself into a big yawn. He placed the book on the bedside, stubbed his cigarette, metled into his bed, switched off the lamp,tugged at the sheet and then cuddled up with her to sleep peacefully, and Satisfied.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

That little old book....

He picked up that little black book, dusted the years off it and put it to his chest; as if he were trying to merge his soul with the lifeless object's all over again. Come to think of it, that rusted and frail diary was quite the contrary. Flowing with secrets, lies and tales; he knew it could crush his life as he knew it. It knew his deepest desires, absorbed every ounce of pain and reflected those seldom moments of euphoria in his life.

Today, I lived.
Her dance was intoxicating.
As she twirled, kissed
and touched.
She touched,
killed and smiled
Ripped me into shreds
and redeemed my soul.
I smiled.

It spoke his mind, and even after so many years those damp and yellow sheets still smelt of his cologne. Some pages were wrinkled with his tears and some beamed with his joy, as they spoke the truth and many lies. The black leather binding was melted, her back was torn and broken. That title embedded in gold was rusted with time and emotions.

I can't breathe
and I can't miss you.
You're not here.
And I'm just trying to breathe
and my knees scrape the floor
Just breathe.

The corners were bent, turned down from the burden of ages, he thought to himself. Those tender pages melted together to form this wave. He closed his eyes and ran his rough hands over them, taking in the scent of his being. It was hard to imagine that those pieces of parchment captured his life, every crazy emotion, every living breath.

I smirked with my eyes.
That one lazy afternoon
and she knew me.
She saw my temper
and I was helpless
All I could do was

As he flipped through his life, looking at glimpses from the past, he understood his being. That love poem he wrote for her, their photograph placed beside it, that leaf he preserved, the locks of her hair, the lyrics of his favourite song scribbled on the edges, his hand at art, his triumphs, his fall backs; The book preserved it all.

Today, was one of those days
when my heart swelled
I couldn't tell the exact moment
But I knew the feeling
it was calm and peaceful
Of contentment.
Of not worrying where the future goes
And when the past comes on through.
I just lay there
as I played hide and seek
with the sun
through those canopies.

He tied the red ribbon around his life and knotted it tightly, then folded it in that piece of blue silk to preserve what was left and placed it in his carved wooden box; switched off the lights and kept it there, in the dark.

With each written letter
from the falling ink
of that feather
Some letters formed words
A few exuded that peculiar pain
Many were exultations.
Screams of joy
A bit were random articulations.
some were plain ecstatic
but together
they spoke of his life
and what it used to be......

Sunday, November 29, 2009


You loved me enough to let me go
your prays had that insanity
every memory that matured.
crumbled at your sight.
you and her vanity

That rose in your hair
speaks a million lies
I breathe.
take in the fragrance
of your existence.

I breathe
and fall back
taken away by that charm

Love is naked
and saturated
and consuming

I fall back
unable to get up
your silhouette merges
with the darkness
Nothing to see.
Or hear.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

That melody.

Memories seep through my veins
and drench my beating heart

Thoughts juggle around the contours of my mind
and throw me into a trance
as my head waves with the sounds of their soul
with every note plucked from my being

Words flow from my whole
define it, break it and preserve it
as if it were their own

They smile into my eyes
sing into my rythm
and dance into my steps

You are whole
complete and shattered
with every piece picked up
and mended
They're no scars left behind.
at all.

Your toes wiggle
as you lay there
with your hand brushing your cheek
eyes fluttering in dismay.
This soul consumes you.
and me.
the both of us.

As we get lost into
that unbroken promise
of lust

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Poison Ivy....

I just hit the delete button.
It was a fine creation,
one of my best
But it didnt feel right
No one could know that

Its my little secret now
You'll just have to live without it

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


There were very few days when she would wear that hat. That perfectly round offwhite crown with a black ribbon running across its torso ending in this beautiful bow. It was indeed intriguing that the Hat in itself wasnt gorgeous, the way she wore it was. Her hair, pulled back and tied up in a bun. Her cheeks were blushed. Her lipstick matched the pair of pink pearls that adorned her slender neck. The slit in her red cotton dress was high enough to show that she was single, but low enough to signal that she wasn't available. 'A table for one please', she said smilingly as she walked into the restaurant for an early lunch.

She sat facing those bay windows and took in the warmth of the classic Tuscan scenery. She ordered a glass of Chianti Classico, that 'Super Tuscan' made from a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Sangiovese; and Caciocavallo Podolico, the cheese so creamy gold in colour. She took her hat off and waved her head gracefully . Her long hair, gleaming like copper, streamed out behind her as the sun shone through. The room was infused with her scent and laughter.

She drew a book from her bag, leaned back on the chair and crossed her legs. It was her favourite time of the day. And even though she felt a few prying eyes on her, some wondering why she was alone and some trying to take advantage of that, she couldnt be bothered less.

Swimming in sunshine, she read on through the evening

.......I could write a book on this ;)

Monday, November 16, 2009

The other side of it.....

Her lips were sealed and pressed
anxiety captured her
His eyes grew wider and wider
but she wouldnt ever deter...

Probing wouldnt melt her convictions
but his love surely would..
how could she tell him this
as disastrous as it would..

Drops roll down her cheeks
her heart heavy as a rock
'Give it some time" he told her
Lets just keep it under the lock...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Fascination, and the better part of it.

Beat with her heart
Break with her touch
Run with her smile
dance with her so much

strangled with her love
she gave him one choice
Blushed with her charm
and flattered with her voice

He knew she loved it
She was in control
She flicked her finger
and wounded his soul

And that evil laugh
was so innocently pure
a little bit of lust
and a dash of amour

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Her eyes were shut, The words were veiled

Her head was bent
and her lips were sealed
her voice was chocked
strangled with tears

Pressed with a secret
So hard to comprehend
She tried to delay
further, this bitter end.

Inevitable as it may seem
And sincerely unjust
Without fraudulent intent
Her amazing breach of trust

Calming her trembling hands
He reassured her of their love so true
"Nothing you would say
It doesn't matter what you do"

She looked upto the orange sky
and drew in the deepest breath
'Hold me in your arms,' she said
This is all that there is left.

As tough as it could be
She spelt the words out
He kissed her on her head
and rocked her so tenderly
to sleep....

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Words,Veins, Life

The lamp glowed in the darkness. A drop from his eye shone as it made its way down his cheek. But he typed on in denial. Striking every key with the same vengence as the one before, so deliberately. His words flowed, beautiful yet eccentric. The drop splashed on the letters. His fingers slipped. Yet, he wrote. The wrinkles on his forehead grew even more prominent. His spectacles fogged up. Yet he continued, unperturbed and numb. With every letter he typed, a thousand battles were won. His words forced the pain out. His head in a turmoil, yet his fingers calm and agile enough to do the needful. Words turned into lines and lines into paragraphs. He went on, endlessly.

The sounds of the keys beat like his heart. Reveberating with the same wrath. As if his fingers were pumping life into his body. If he stopped now, his life, as he knew it, would be over. He knew he was delaying the inevitable. A drop fell from his brow. A drop fell from his eye.

And then, it was as if the words ceased to be. His hands froze, his eyes shut. These papers, his veins, were strewn all over the floor. He drew a deep breath, hoping it was his last. He pushed the chair back as he got up and walked over those papers, barefoot, towards the bay window. He had an unusual pride in his walk. His chin up and his shoulders broad. And then, without summon, he collapsed on those sheets. Those white parchments, which gave him life and then took it with equal virulence. He smiled as he nodded his head and thought to himself "A life well spent."

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Its My Future

Its how you shout out without saying a thing.

When at the Climate Advocacy Institute, I wanted to create a video which not only celebrated diversity of backgrounds, languages and nationalities, but also show that the youth of the world could come together for a cause that transcends their boundaries.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Hey Guys
So I'm finally in this small little town called Decemko (pronounced dechemko) near Izmir in Turkey. I left India yesterday in the morning absolutely wasted. (Thanks Aman for taking care of me). Like, I remember in one moment I was singing and dancing and in the next I'm at the airport and Aman and Massi are telling me to puke into a Plant because I had to catch my flight. He was forcing down dirty shots of coffee and lots of Snapple.Aman was constantly on the phone with Anya (Who was also freaking out) OMG!! I must have given them such a heart attack. My massi luckily was working at the Oberoi's, so I got an airport representative to take me inside. I had no idea how I got my bags checked in (or did I?). That guy was killer - I think his name was Neeraj or Nagraj.
I still dont remember how I cleared the security and emmigration. I remember that Neeraj guy telling me to fill up an emmigration form, only I know how I held that pen and wrote my name on it. Lol..What fun!! So finally when I reached the lounge, sense came to me and I sobered down. Guys you need to do this. Get on a flight drunk. Lol. Still cant get over it!!

So anyhow, when I got on the flight the stewards were all Men, but you already know that because I just called them stewards. No females! My plans to pass some time with the ladies bombed and I just slept through the flight. The food was not surprisingly Shit! My flight had to land at 9:15 am in Istanbul, and I had a connecting flight to Izmir at 11. My flight actually landed at 9:30 and by the time I came out it was 9:45. I knew I was dead. The immigration line was HUGE. And I mean HUGE. I asked people for help, but no one knew English and told me to fend for myself. I died. I knew I was going to miss my connecting flight in a country whose language I didnt speak. I just had it then. I made the sorriest face you must have ever seen, had a tear in my eye and jumped the que saying "I dont know Language, i will miss hoo" Quickly got my passport stamped and made a run for the domestic terminal. Checked in and before I knew it I was of to Izmir.

During the flight, the scene was really breathtaking. And I'm not even joking. The Landscape of turkey is very hilly, (loads and loads of hills) with lots of lakes thrown in. Its like we were traveling on mountain tops. Its sunny with a cool breeze blowing. So very green and CLEAN. The women are really pretty and everyone has green eyes here. The people are gorgeous! They have this bronze tan, well built, all thin, with short hair and green eyes. The women are Fair with long flowing straight blonde hair. Im actually surpirsed they're not walking the ramp. FYI, I love green eyes, so I was staring at everyone like a letch.

I landed at Izmir, got my money changed and headed off. When I exited from the airport, I had no idea what to do next or how to reach Dilkili. This is where my adventure started. And boy, what an adventure!!Before I left the airport at Izmir, I asked the help desk how I could reach Dikili. They told me to catch a bus from outside and go to the Ottogar. Two questions, where is the bus stop. What the fuck is Ottogar.Actually three questions, How much does it cost? I really took these things for granted back home, but this was a completely different ball game. After asking nearly 6 people, who thought I had lost it, I finally found the bus stop and then went to the Bus Station (Ottogar in Turkish). When I reached the Ottogar, I was asking for Dikili.

After waiting for half an hour, the bus to Dikili finally came and I put my luggage onto the bus and got in. I thought we'd buy the ticket inside once we've started. This ugly looking man comes and starts screaming at me telling me get off the bus. He kept speaking in turkish and all i could do is shrug my shoulders. This other lady pointed at a kiosk and said Ticket! Ticket!. And I was like Oh!! Thats what u were saying. So I got off and asked the guy for a ticket. He started muttering something else. I lost it this time. I shoved the money in his face and started screaming. DIKILI DIKILI!! He shouted back and told me to leave. By then, my bus had started reversing and was going to leave. I knew I was dead for sure!! The bus had my luggage, my money, my passport, everything. So i was basically going to be raped really hard. I ran and stood behind the bus, "Ab toh aar ya paar", My bhangipanti actually saved me. The guy got off, took off my luggage and left.

I went back to the kiosk and started asking him for a ticket again. Thats when I found my saviour. He asked me "Do you speak English?" And I was like "HELL YEAH!!" He spoke to the guy behind the counter and told me that the previous bus was full and that I had to buy a ticket for the new one and that he was on the same bus so he could help me out. FINALLY!! I thought, someone who can save me. He told me that he was going to this town called Candarla (Pronounced Chandarla) for an audition for playing the guitar. Killer guy he was. Just passed outta high school, chilling. His name was Bekhtir, or soemthing close to it.

Once I got on the bus, The ride to Dikili was beautiful, Between these hills were lakes and beside these lakes where beautifully coloured houses with people laying on the beach. The olive trees growing everywhere, the conifers(Surprisingly!) It was Awesome. By the time I reached the Ottogar in Dikili, it was 6:15. I had to reach my resort. The funny part is, that i did not know whether there was anyone to meet me there, or whether there was even a conference going to be held. For all you know, they canceled it last minute and I'm stranded in this beautiful, but scary place. Once I got down, I asked for Decemko from this shop. The middle aged women did not know what I spoke, and I did not hers, but I asked for Decemko and said Otto (Figuring out that Otto had to be bus). She said Saat and made a seven sign. Saat actually means time. I sat in her shop till then. She gave me free food and drinks and just smiled at me. It was so interesting that for me to even ask her how far Dikili is from Decemko, I had to draw this diagram and ask her for the distance. She then called her son, who wrote 10 km for me and smiled.

The bus finally came, I got on. The bus took 3 Turkish liras and played Turkish Songs. By the way, Turkish songs sound like a mix between Bhangra and arabic music. Damn interesting.

When I was appraoching Decemko, I knew this was it for me. It was late and If I couldn't find the Decemko Holiday Resort, I was doomed. The driver dropped me off randomly at this one place and told me to search for the resort on my own, because he did not know what "Holiday Resort" meant and I did not know how to say it in Turkish. So I got off with all my luggage and started tugging it aimlessly. When I reached this one random resort, I asked for the Holiday Resort and asked whether this was where the Climate Advocacy Institute was. She coldnt get me at once, CLIMAX!! but then smiled and invited me. I knew I had reached. I no longer had heavy boots. My adventure had ended, or infact had just been taken to another level.

This other American woman came down from upstairs and said "Oh Samar, we've been so worried, we realised too late that u had to come, we sent a taxi for you, we even had announcements at the airport, we thought you were lost." And I just said one thing "It was worth it"
Dikili and Decemko are at two ends of the bay overlooking the sea. There are green hills behind and a sea infront. A little warm with cool air blowing. No really, this is how I saw Turkey. Even though I havent seen alot of countries, Im sure that this has to be the most beautiful place. You dont know what to get awe struck by, the people or the scenery. My resort is on the beach. The people are nice and life couldnt get better. There is a wireless connection with a speed of 500kbps. So all I do is sit at the beach with my lappy and when i get bored I read a book with this beautiful scenery infront of me.

I miss my hindi and chat pata food, but sometimes you need to go away from somethings to realise its worth.

:D :D

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Dear Diary..

"Can I lower your berth?", asked the old man as he shook me out of my not-so-deep sleep. The train was to arrive in one hour and there was already a lot of hustle bustle at eight in the morning. I was sleeping on the middle berth and everyone was awake except. of course, me. For people who know me, would also know that they ought to stand at least ten feet away when I get up and shut their ears while they're doing so. The profanities, screaming and grumpiness are barely enough to express my disgust. As you must have realised, I'm not really a morning person. In no mood to shout, today was the man's lucky day. I didn't want to start my first day in Mumbai on such a bad note. Yes, you got that right. A seventeen hundred kilometer journey from Delhi to Mumbai, a sixteen hour transition from my past to my future.Here I was, ready to let go and move on. The train chugged into the station. It was forty five minutes late.

As I tried to tug my juggernaut suitcase out of the train, while balancing my red airbag and my guitar, I saw my mother waving at me with her huge Makavity cat smile, without the evilness of course. After one cup of tea and a vada pao, we were off to my new home, Navi Mumbai is what my mother told me, someplace called Seawoods.

The moment I entered the house, my dog had her paws all over me, greeting me in her own warm manner. I love it. She had aged, but had grown more graceful with the years. An uncanny adjective to use for a dog I thought, but it was true. And here I was, at my new home, breathing the humidity, sweating like a pig, unpacking my suitcase and my mind for a whole new world.

And before I knew it, I was on a local train to Colaba to meet my other Delhi friend who had come down for a day. Even though I knew virtually nothing about the city, I felt I had to show her around, considering the fact that I am technically a local now. My mother told me to buy first class tickets as she dropped me off at the station, "or else you'll get raped in second class." Not the best choice of words, I told myself, But I got the picture. Being the notorious adventurer I am, I bought a second class ticket and was on my way to the Victoria Terminus, or is it the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus? Indians and their obsession with changing perfectly decent names. "The biggest Sex change in the history of mankind", is what my father called the terminus. Anyhow, coming back to the story, 'We were like packed sardines', is an understatement to what was going on in the coach. At the peak hour rush, with a second class ticket, I knew I invited death for a cup of tea. But I tolerated and reached, alive and thankful.

"Cafe Montegar", I ordered the driver as his taxi started. That is where I had to meet my friend. Trying to show the driver that I wasn't a lost soul in this gigantic city, I started discussing names of routes, streets and places with him, (of which I had a very faint idea of course) obviously in vain. After making a fool of myself, I payed the man twenty two rupees and made my way to the cafe. She was standing their, flirting with the waiter trying to get a glass of water. "Some things will never change", I smirked to myself and met her. "Hey, how about some beer or coffee", I asked her. But she had other plans in mind. I should have known - shopping.

Having spent an hour at shops, I finally convinced her that we had to head to Marine Drive to watch the sun set. It was beautiful and calm. Two words that could sum it all up for me. The gushing winds, the sun diving into the sea, the people on the queen's necklace, it was all so surreal and I took it all in. After walking on the pavement for a while, we decided to grab some dinner from Piccadelli, known for its Hommos, Shawarma's and Filafel. Eating dinner and eavesdropping on a conversation between people we thought were gangsters from a local mafia gang, we knew dinner couldn't have been more perfect. We were wrong. The mint tea and the blueberry cheesecake did the trick. I now have a new name for chocolate Ecstasy - Theobroma.

Colaba to Seawoods wasn't exactly close, so I had to say my goodbyes early and catch the local again. After experiencing the 'terrors' while on my way to the Terminus, I obviously bought another second class ticket on the way back( I never learn, do I?). But it wasn't too bad this time round. I found seat, rested my head on the wall, plugged in my headphones and before I knew it, was fast asleep and reached my station. Walked home, met the family and came online. This is where I experienced the highlight of the day. I received a letter from an organisation, congratulating me on being accepted in an institute in Turkey for a three week course, on complete scholarship. I went numb. Absolutely numb. After the Goosebumps, the numerous heart attacks, I finally let it sink in and jumped around the house screaming like a maniac waking everyone up in the middle of the night. With my parents ecstatic and my twin already making a shopping list to send with me, I realised this was real and was happening to me. I hope I havent jinxed it by writing it down here. Touch wood!

The uncertainties from the past gave way to a brighter present and a better tomorrow. My anxieties found new comfort, and the first paragraph of the next chapter in life was written. Such is life, with one door shut, many more open. A cliched and banal statement, but its so true for this moment.

As I write this piece, my other friend in a village in Sarguja, Chattisgarh is writing an article to be published in Tehelka. The same friend who did not know where her life was going 2 weeks back and knew she could never become a successful journalist. There is so much to learn from this and more. Hard work does pay off and hope is something that is real and is now. Life shows its colours in so many ways, its how we absorb and reflect those colours is what determines the course of our life.

Today. I am Happy.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


It was over. As the final bell rang and I placed my pen on the table. She took the paper from me and I smiled at her. As I packed up my things, I breathed a sigh of relief. "Finally", I said, "Its over." And what I thought was happiness, was suddenly hijacked by this sense of poignancy. No, my paper wasn't too bad, seems as if I've been praying too hard and someone's been listening for a change. As I stepped out of the hall, that anxiety kept growing, the smile seemed more fabricated and my mind flummoxed. I knew it was the last of my exams, but I also knew that these were my last steps here, my last high fives, my last chai at the tea stall I thought was my second home, the last time out of the gate.

"Life is merciless", I thought to myself as I realised the inevitability of time. Trying to hide my sorrows behind my laughter. I couldn't grasp the situation, I still can't. It was one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. You really can't live this life again. Here, where everything is taken for granted, where you know people by name and they know yours. As another chapter closes in your life and the page turns, your story shall reveal a new twist. The hourglass has been inverted and as you try to clench your fist to catch hold of the last particles of sand, they melt away into memories.

Memories, you can't live without them, but then again, you can't live with them either. They give you strength to move on and then hold you back. I'm standing at my crossroads now. It sounds cliched, I agree. Its where I go from here with the handful black and white thoughts I possess. These sound like random ramblings. My eyes are heavy and my mind is numb. I leave for Bombay tomorrow, to start afresh..........Words fail me today. I can just sit, pray and watch.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

One more thing....

    like really
  where were u all day
  i just listened to jaane kyunnnn
  and like i thought of u
and remembered that i miss u
  coz obviously that's our song
  so like yea
  that's all i have to say
  oh and one more thing
  ajj tau maine us ko suna di
  line par aagagya
  aur one more thing
  i made amazing pasta today
  a little more amazing than urs im certain
                    and one more thing


  the gym was amazing today3.56miles baby
  and ek aur

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Just one of those days....

Today is one of those days. I feel like writing again. Anything, everything. Just one of those days when I want to type. No, there aren't really any built up emotions today, nor is there any story - No villain, No hero, No dancing. Interestingly, the words pop up in my head, just as I type.

One of those days, when that little thing your friend does, unknowingly, touches your heart and makes you smile. When you know you're closer to a person a thousand miles away, than you are to your next door neighbour.

Just that kind of a day, when the weather's lovely and the chai is perfect. When the songs remind you of the good times. I feel so orange today. No greens, or pinks, or blues. Just the colours of the sky reflecting off my soul. When the clouds add hues to the sunset in ways we never imagined. The flavours of the skies infused with the warmth of the cup.....

Just that time of the evening when you throw your head back laughing for no reason at all. When every smile is contagious, and that burning candle spreads more happiness than the light it dispels.

Just one of those days...

Friday, March 27, 2009


यह जो राहें हैं, मेरे तेरे लिए
इन पर किरणों की छाया है
सुबह की अंगडाई में
यह खो जाए.....

Thursday, March 12, 2009


She drank her heart out
She drank as she pleased
like this ambrosia
it was her ecstasy

Her lips, moist all over
Her heart began to drip
The fingers reaching out
her soul ready to be stripped

He took her higher
than anyone heard of
A step closer to heaven
Further away from love

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Of black and white

Packed away in some shoe box
of the letters, photos and dreams
treasured for their existence
the faces,the eyes, the names

Of the sepia covered images,
Lined with layers of dust
The tears that dried up years ago
and the smiles that turned to rust

The colours but fade away
And the songs are forever lost
But that slight tinge of memory
is the warmth in this night of frost.

They build up and they perish
On every walk of life
Tucked away in one corner
trying so hard to survive

Of every anecdote told
of every memoir relived
the heart travels to the land
where you get more than you give

Painting her breath

She was breathing.Her every breath was deliberate, like a whisper. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. She was breathing. The sea waves swept her, throwing her on the sandy turf and then drawing her back, as if they couldn't make up their mind, as if they wouldn't let go. Those waters heard her breathing. Her eyes glistened in the sun, but they weren't celebrating life. Their hollowness could pierce through his soul.Her naked back faced heaven, and rose every time she drew the air in. Her arms spread out to capture his existence, in vain. Her hands clutched the sand she wouldn't let go of, ever. Not even if he told her to. Colours splashed the sky. He struck that canvas with anger. His wrath created beauty. Sadness pervaded it. She was breathing. As if every breath she drew was to extol her being, to see him perish before her eyes. Her long crimson hair, the only part of her soul she couldn't control, flowed with the waves. Her body swayed with the sea and rose with her breath. It seemed as if she were relishing the moment. Her smile didn't give it away. Nor did the tear drop, washed away by the salty waters. She breathed every breathe, mocking him. Those whispers were louder than waves crashing on the shores. That deriding smirk. She lay there. Breathing. Relishing. Fighting.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

One cup of tea.....

One cup of tea is all it takes to...
drown your worries
Lighten your Soul

Bring that smile
the tinkle in your eye
The dimples on your cheeks

feel that warmth
cuddle up some more

(Coffee could work too, but it has more caffeine which would make you look ugly after some time)

Behen Ho ya Bhai..
Sabko pillao chai...

The twenty commandments

My blessed Child,
The following are the commandments which thou shall followeth this year, come what may. For only then shall thou be worthy of heaven.

Thou shall.......

1. lose weight and get sex pack abs
2. read at least 15 books (this does not include Hardy Boys, Comics, Playboys, Nancy Drew, Goosebumps and the likes)
3. read more poetry and appreciate it (Does not include my sad lymirics)
4. Study, Study, Study
5. not let people, who are not important to thou, affect thou in any way.
6. Learn to cook and eat ---> pastries and chocolate cakes.
7. Go on a road trip!!
8. Stop biting thou nails.
9. Give more attention to thou hair.
10. Either geteth a girlfriend or a new best friend.
11. either get a new favourite song or a new best friend.
12. Learn howeth to do the Salsa, Lambada and Meringue
13. Learn how to painteth (like an adult!!)
14. Concentrate more on thou singing (does not include Womaniser) and playing the guitar.
15. Stop being so sulky.
16. not to be so loud about everything.
17. crack more PJs and amuse thyself.
18. learn how to relax in stressful situations.
19. Stop procrastinating and being so lazy.
20. not sleep for more than eight hours a day and get up early

Remember, the meek shall inherit the earth once thou are done with it.


Where Am I?

The New year is finally here!! I know I havent been very regular with my blogging, but these past few days have been absolutely, one hundred percent crazy!! Its not that I dont like this craziness though. Earlier,I used this blog as a means of introspection and self revelation. Now that my "phase" of soul searching is over, the New Year for me is more than just symbolic, I'm actually starting afresh.

So I was mentioning, that the past few weeks have been drop dead madness. With the entrance examinations, the form filling, hundreds of lectures over my SOP, editing.....writing again....trashing it.....writing......, Letters of Recommendations, transcripts, mark sheets, attestations, the GRE test, scholarships, I have officially turned into Frankenstein with a semi roasted brain. She was right when she said that my life has turned into one huge SOP. (Truly a SOP story). But, its finally over!! And as my heart wants to jump out from my chest and do the meringue, I am forced to keep it in because the roller coaster ride is far from over. My college examinations are in a week and I obviously haven't studied.

Now as I sit down and prepare my annual Resolutions, deep down inside I know it'll all turn out to be vain. But worry not my friends!! I'm starting afresh and I shall not let myself down.

The past year has been tough on me, but I guess I've learnt a lot from it, and thats what counts for me.

"We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it -- and stop there -- lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more." -Mark Twain

Mere heart felt wishes

Good Day!!

And so it is my friends, another year comes to a close. I for one never saw it coming, I feel snuck up upon!

It is and has been a year of great accomplishment, some of which I can recall in my more lucid moments, and my friends, it is with great warmth in my breast I say: I owe to you, much more happiness than I should think to call my own. I am truly flummoxed by trying to explain myself here, I guess I am saying thanks : )

Thank you for the splendid times we've shared, online or off line. May we have more random moments, song sharing and bitching. May our destiny bestow upon us the good luck of eating chocolate cakes with vanilla ice cream topped with nuts, everyday of our lives. May we all get the figures we want (not monetary). May we fight and slap each other so hard that we never talk again, only to slap each other more and more until we get so bored that we call a truce (True Friendship!!) May you have more opportunities to listen to my beautiful singing (Womaniser Womaniser Womaniser), and may we all admire more funky videos on youtube.