Thursday, September 4, 2008

blurred visions of a drunk soul....

Lets paint the sky blue...
lets paint it a different hue..

How would a cow look in pink?
How would that bat look in green!!!

Why isnt pollution magenta?
and why isnt my blood the latest violet?

My hamburger's yellow
with butterscotch leaves.....

its so sad that my orange nails match my burgudy skin tone...

a little lighter shade of cranberry blue would've worked
for my hair ofcourse....

that light bulb just turned pale...
no wait....
Im going to DAAAAII !!!!

P.S. - The apple crumble was delicious, do add some more vodka next time...

It just happened, right here

I just choked on my own words
I just mumbled under my own breath
I just clenched my toes in anger
I just looked up to search for heaven
to find my eyes wide shut...

I just deleted the truth
I just suppressed my laughter
I just wiped her tears
I just widened my eyes
to a whole new world...

I just jumped in joy
I just shivered with fear
I just bit my lip
I just lived my life
and perished, satisfied...

Thursday, August 14, 2008


Freedom from fear is the freedom
I claim for you my motherland!
Freedom from the burden of the ages, bending your head,
breaking your back, blinding your eyes to the beckoning
call of the future;
Freedom from the shackles of slumber wherewith
you fasten yourself in night's stillness,"
-- Tagore

“It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realised, somehow, through the screaming of my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn’t sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it’s all you’ve got, that freedom is an universe of possibility. And the choice you make between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life.”
-- Shantaram

"Papa, does freedom mean that we can do whatever we feel like?"
-- Samar (Age - 7)

" If freedom means corruption,yes, we are free
If freedom means that thousands of children sleep hungry and naked,yes, we are free

If 15th August means that we're all locked up in our homes because the country is on high alert, are we really free or merely 'independent'? - a statement written in some corner of our constitution

Is freedom just a metaphorical Statement which sees itself being translated into flying kites on our rooftops?"
-- Samar (Age - 18)

Inspired(Stolen) from a conversation between two MIAC members...

my life needs you like a heart needs a beat
my life needs you like a dessert needs rain
i miss you like a baby misses his blanket

my life needs you like an icecream (vanilla) needs chocolate toppings
my life needs you like a dal needs a tadka
like music needs a tune
like a skeleton needs bones

like namita needs bollywood!!!!
like kareena needs food

"If it were more random than this, we would have been Micheal Jackson"

Sounds of silence

I saw two mute people fighting today. By god, it was the most splendid sight I've ever seen. I just stood there and gazed at them admonishing each other. Their hand movements really didn't matter because their expressions were so pure and full of life. Their emotions were so intimidating and yet so beautiful.Their facial expressions spoke a thousand words and more. Ironically, 'words' were something that seemed so futile to them when it came to expressing how they felt, that's why it was so pure. Later that night, I was thinking and realised that the best (or worst) things in life aren't really spoken at all. One glance, one raised eye brow, one smile,one shrug, one frown, one biting of the lip can convey so much more than these mere words. The entire lexicon could try, but would be in vain. We spend our entire lives trying to perfect the art of expressing ourselves through words, paintings, music and dance. But in the process we forget what true and raw emotions are.

"You say it best, when you say nothing at all"

How heavy is your emotional Baggage?

Just enough to keep me happy,
Just enough to keep me sad,
It does, however
drive me mad

it weighs 29 kgs in all....
but confesses
that it needs to lose weight...

How heavy is your emotional baggage?

Thursday, July 31, 2008


I looked outside my classroom window while I was attending my lecture, there was an overcast. After months of heat and humidity, this is what I was waiting for. A few drops of joy gave way to a slight drizzle. Before I knew it, it started pouring. The bell rang only to find my bags packed and me charging through the door. I made my way past the corridor, took out my red umbrella and hoisted it into the air. I was heading to my favourite place - JP Tea Stall. Surrounded by trees and the intelligentsia, there was something about this stall,its tea and the greenery that gave me comfort. "Oye Deepu", I said, "Ek chai banade yaar".

Standing under my red umbrella, sipping my masala chai, dipping a mathhi in it and listening to Coldplay, I thought to myself whether this was the bliss people craved for. If it was, well I found mine. The drops of rainfall which blended with the sounds of the stove burning in the background,preparing more tea, soothed my soul. There were people running from one shelter to another trying not to get wet, there were people jumping in puddles and dancing; and then there was me -
In the madness of this rainfall,
I found peace,
I found myself,again.


Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise

Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise,
A man earns in a day in Jharkhand.
Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise,
I spend traveling to college everyday.

Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise,
An attempt to earn two square meals.
Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise,
I just had lunch in the cafe.

Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise,
Fifteen hours of sweat and blood.
Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise,
I just withdrew from an ATM.

Chhyasi Ghante Chalees Minute,
His children sleep on an empty stomach.
Chhyasi Minute Chalees Second,
Can we catch a Mcdonalds Burger on the way?

Chhyasi Rupya Chalees Paise.....

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

What happiness needs.......

Chai Tea - Masala Chai - Spiced Milk Tea

2 cups water
3 black tea bags or 1 tablespoon loose organic black tea
1 cinnamon stick
6 whole green cardamom pods, crushed or about 1/4 teaspoon seeds
4 whole cloves
Dash nutmeg
1 (1-inch) piece fresh ginger root, peeled and sliced
1 (6-inch) piece vanilla bean (cut up into 1-inch pieces) or 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
4 black peppercorns
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 cups low fat or whole milk

Thursday, July 10, 2008

In the lonliness of things.....

Sometimes when Im sitting all alone, I can actually be me. I mean the real me. Get to know myself a little better, ask me questions I never do. Get some answers I never expected!! Do things for myself. Yes you heard it! Being selfish, being selfish for me.

You question ur reflection
the answer's perplexing
Being true to it
seems the hardest thing

The veil of deceit on it
heavy on my back

Its insecurities
engulfing you

Its failures
mocking at you

The conjunction of naivety with falsity give way to those complexities. Emotions were never my forte, I never wanted them to be either.

You cant let people see through you, It'll just make you more vulnerable than you were before.
It doesnt help, it never did. Dont risk it for those "complexities". Thats why they're called so.

This isn't me!!! I see the essential goodness in people. I don't ponder over my insecurities. Thats the funny part about insecurities, the more you think about it, the more it engulfs you. Its like an ever growing void.

Come to terms with it or leave it be. Somethings are better left "unthought".

Now you see what loneliness does to me........

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Come away with me.......

Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera, Swades Hai Tera
Tujhe Hai Pukara....
Yeh Woh Bandhan Hai Jo Kabhi Toot Nahin Sakta

I write this piece as the song plays in the background. It feels as if something, someone is calling me home,far away from this madness. The madness which I've started thriving on.

Return to the roots where I grew from. To the silence that fills this void. To the contentment that isn't bound by material possessions. To the smile that comes from the heart. To the happiness thats mine.

Tujhse Zindagi Hai Yeh Kah Rahi
Sab To Pa Liya, Ab Hai Kya Kami
Yun To Sare Sukh Hai Barse, Par Door Tu Hai Apne Ghar Se
Aa Laut Chal Tu Ab Deewane, Jahan Koi To Tujhe Apna Mane
Aawaz De Tujhe Bulane, Wohi Des

These lines are so pure. We've got everything we need. Every comfort we could think of. But, there's still something missing. That emptiness, that hollowness. You're far away from where you belong. Come home,where you're welcomed with open arms, where we may find you. Where I may find me.

Tu Na Pooch Raaste Mein Kahe, Aaye Hain Is Tarah Dorahe
Tu Hi To Hai Raah Jo Sujhayeh, Tu Hi To Hai Ab Jo Yeh Batayeh
JaYeh To Kis Disha Mein Jayeh, Wohi Des

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Twenty going on 21......

So here I am, at the brink of turning 20. Wait!! Is that right? TWENTY!! SHEESH!! I already feel so old! Its Garima's birthday today. She's 20 now. Poor thing. Is still in her denial mode. Well atleast I can say Im over "that" phase. I've come to accept these cruel terms and have gone into depression. Why do I have this gutsy feeling that my birthday is going to suck BIG TIME!! Is it because I'm going to turn twenty or because I'm going to turn 20? Well they say "Age is strictly a case of mind over matter, If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!!" I have just one itsy bitsy thing to say to them - BLAH!!

When we were in school. we'd look at these "twenty year olds" with disgust and sympathy. "Poor souls, they'll have to act all mature now" Well, Im now in that phase god dammit!!! Now I know why people cry on their birthday. Hell!! I'm crying even before mine's arrived. Wish I could go to Never never land.....

I cant even say "why does this happen to me" because it happens to everyone!!! Good bye my teens!!! I shall miss you...

'Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shohrat bhi lelo,
Magar mujhko lauta do meri jawaani"



With the left reiterating its threat to withdraw support from the Congress led UPA Government and the Prime minister not budging from his stand either; it seems as if a break in ties is inevitable just months before the country witnesses the next phase of General Elections scheduled for 2009. The CPI(M) General Secretary Prakash Karat maintained his stance over the agreement despite months of negotiations by the Congress. After witnessing this entire political ‘drama’, one can’t help but ask a few basic questions. The interesting part is that these questions may or may not have substantial, let alone believable, answers.

Let’s start with the Congress and its very own duo – Sonia Gandhi and Man Mohan Singh. Making a statement last August, the Prime Minister proclaimed the deal as a “historical initiative, with major gains for India” and that “the Country would only be able to appreciate the significance of this deal in due course of time.” Later Sonia Gandhi reasserted his views by stating that the opponents of the Indo-US nuclear deal were anti-‘development, prosperity and peace.’ If the deal is so beneficial for India, then why hasn’t Man Mohan Singh presented this in the Parliament? Rational thinking would suggest that if something is so important to a country, then it would definitely get approved in the Parliament. The baffling part is that majority of the Congressmen are unaware of most of the details in this deal, let alone the left and the remaining Parliament members. If a cause is so ‘noble’, as the Prime Minister would suggest, then why is he keeping everyone in the dark while signing this agreement? One would have no choice but to believe that he is simply abusing his power and is singlehandedly changing(or distorting) India’s foreign policy (with the help of Sonia Gandhi, of course).

Its rather noble of Manmohan Singh to stand his ground at the cost of losing his chair and Congress losing its power, isn’t it? Not really. With Mulayam Singh Yadav, chief of the Samajwadi Party, ready to bail him out of trouble; the Left walking out of the coalition shouldn’t really bother the Congress. Samajwadi Party (SP) currently has 39 seats in the Lok Sabha and would clearly be the second biggest constituent of the alliance, if the Left said its last “Goodbyes.” With such a sturdy contingency in place, why wouldn’t anyone sound confident?

Now lets shift the spotlight and talk about the CPI(M). When Man Mohan Singh made an agreement with Bush in 2005 on this rather debatable issue, the left was exasperated that the Congress took them for granted and signed the agreement without their consent or knowledge. It would definitely be a dubious proposition if I were to say that the left is doing this more out of spite than otherwise; but I will still go ahead and state it.

Looking at the possible scenario of the SP helping out the Congress, the Left has already threatened the SP, saying that if they support the Congress and this deal (consequently the US), they will lose out on the Muslim Vote bank (who supposedly have anti US feelings). Therefore, also making the left communal in nature and no different from the BJP. Another question that arises in my mind is that if the CPI(M) is leaving the coalition on grounds of the nuclear deal, then why is it bothered whether some XYZ party joins the Congress or not?

Is the Left so dead against the deal that they are willing to stage a walkout? Or are they trying the same tactics which Mehbooba Mufti’s party tried in Kashmir? The last thing that the Left would want is to be associated with anything vaguely related to the word “Inflation,” as it clearly goes against the interests of the aam aadmi. So is the CPI(M) just using the deal as an alibi to part ways?

The possibility that the Left feels strongly against ‘closing ties with the US’ cannot be ruled out. They definitely feel that the Prime Minister's approach towards the deal showed "how deeply the Congress is entrenched with US interests," even to the extent of ignoring the inflation crisis in India.

Politicians are like diapers, they both need changing regularly and for the same reason. The next few days will decide the fate of Indian politics. The BJP never had it so easy. The Congress, crushed between inflation and the deal, has no one to turn to. The Congress isn’t “right” and neither is the left. They both seem to be entangled in this dirty web of politics and power. As Richard Armour once said “ Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.”

Friday, June 27, 2008


I'm afraid of silence.
This silence, piercing through my mind, your soul.
This inherent desire to fill this void around me with my voice.
As these sounds reverberate, this silence grows.
Ponder over this, don't fight it,
As my thoughts wander, this silence grips.
Give it a chance, hearing is believing
As you shut out your ears, this silence grins

Sam n' Sushi

Tackling the Inflation bit of it……..

Ending a 10 month streak, the Federal Bank decided on the 25th that it would no longer reduce the interest rates, thereby indicating a shift of concern to inflation. For the past many months the US economy has not only been facing inflationary pressures but also threats to its growth. While the former may be attributed to the surging energy prices across the world, the latter is due to bursting of the housing bubble and the credit crunch. In an attempt to keep the economy afloat, the Fed started reducing the interest rate since last September, slashing it from 5.25% to a record low of 2%. By lowering the interest, the Fed wanted to encourage borrowing in the economy and thus increase spending, thereby preventing the economy from going into a possible phase of recession. So till now, the Fed diverted a majority of its efforts in strengthening the economy, rather than checking inflation. However, the Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) and Fed chairman – Bernanke, felt that the interest rates were low enough to keep the economy going and inflation posed to be a larger risk now.

So the FOMC justified their action of refraining from reducing the rates by stating “Although downside risks to growth remain, they appear to have diminished somewhat, and the upside risks to inflation and inflation expectations have increased.” This statement certainly gave the market a sense of confidence as the US stock market indices closed on a positive note after that.

If the Fed wanted to check inflation any further, then it would have to reduce the money supply in the economy by raising interest rates and consequently, try to control the aggregate demand in the market by curbing expenditure. But then again, this would also raise unemployment. So it seems as if the Fed is caught between a rock and a hard place. Despite numerous attempts by the Fed, the unemployment rate shows no signs of slowing down; neither do the crude oil or the commodity prices. Even the housing sector seems bleak. It seems as if the Fed has a long way to go before it can see the silver lining on this black cloud.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

My name is.........

Slovak: Volám sa Samar.

czech: Mé jméno je Samar.

deutsch: Mein Name ist Samar.

My Name is Samar.

espaňol: Mi nombre es Samar.

Mera naam Samar hai.

Palamau Pink Panthers

My dearest Chainpur ke Champions/ Chattarpur ke Chokre,

Its the 19th today..shit the 19th!!!...oke Devika its still the 18th for you but still....i cant believe its been almost a month since we were in Jharkhand.....
A month ago (according to my diary)......we were riding on motorbikes across deserted country in the middle of a hailstorm....
Okay as stupid and senti as it may sound....i am going to risk saying it...i miss you guys. I miss talking to Aman and giggling with Devika, I miss Samar and his stupid jokes. I miss everything about our life in Palamau, I miss the work we did, the people we met..I miss all of that.
Because that life no matter how hard, how challenging and difficult it may have been has meant more to me than anything I can think of in a really really long time. I may still be the same person but I know something is different. I have scarcely felt this passionate about something and it felt good to be associated with something that vaguely resembled a cause in my life.
This is a lot of random rambling on and on but somehow I feel like the only people who can really understand me are you guys....because you went through the same thing. Whether it affected you more or less or differently...I don't know...but it doesnt matter.
I feel like a bit of a stranger in this life. It didnt help that in a matter of 3 days after returning from Allahabad I jumped on a plane to Indonesia....and here iam in Jakarta, where I have boundless luxury and filthy rich people all around me. I cant relate to any of them. Coz now if you have seen that life....i just dont know how you'r supposed to shut your eyes and walk away from all of that.

Last month I think no matter what we might have achieved, we atleast gave people the hope that there was something could change. I don't know how many were convinced but Iam sure that atleast some where.
And now I keep wondering what happens to that hope? Do we ever get to see any results out of all that work or will it just go to waste?....I can't help but and iam almost scared to think about what would happen if somehow things went wrong.

I just wanted to write. These are things that have bothered me for a long time and I can't help but wonder. Please write to me and tell me how your lives have been. Aman do try and avoid the completely "spastic" tone that you have adopted on facebook. I miss the slightly more "normal" Aman who couldnt keep his hands off his beard when he spoke!. menon i miss you more than I can say. i don't know how you get so comfortable and close to someone in a matter of three weeks..but you, gorgeous are the exception to the rule!!...
And finally Samar!! have annoyed me to no end with your countless nakhras...but still I think you'r smart and really funny and I do miss you!!....

So goodbye for now fellow palamau pink panthers and be ready to face my wrath if I dont get insanely long replies to this email ASAP!!!!...

I hope your paths lead to whatever you are seeking in life. Just know along the way that you do have friend in me whose always here to lend an ear!!!

Love always,

Technicolour Dreams

When the Lumiere Brothers’ introduced Cinema to India in 1896, by releasing six silent short films in Bombay, little did they know that they opened a Pandora’s Box. A box brimming with color, drama, dance, song, action and everything you could imagine. Over the years this Cinema in a way has embodied the desires, dreams and aspirations of the common man in India. It changed the face of India and how people from across the world would perceive her. Bollywood today has become one of the most powerful cultural ambassadors of India. Incidentally, the name Bollywood is an amalgamation of Hollywood and Bombay (No prizes for guess this one!!)

From Raja Harishchandra (the first silent feature film) to Love Story 2050, Indian Cinema sure has come a long way, each era being represented by a different genre of movies. If the 1950’s had movies that tackled tough social issues with the independence struggle as the backdrop of their plots, the 1960’s witnessed lavish romantic musicals and melodrama. The 1970’s saw films based on gangsters and mafias. The 1990’s then gave way to family centric musicals and when Cinema entered the 21st Century, it metamorphosed its entire image with its high quality production and innovative story lines. But the one thing common in all these eras was the humungous mass appeal these movies generated. Bollywood can boast of being the largest film industry in the world, making over a thousand movies each year. Every day about 30 million tickets are sold, making it an industry that easily runs into billions.

The “masala” factor was something which the filmmakers never really compromised on. You could have the same story line – boy meets girl, they fall in love, the girl’s father (read villain) doesn’t approve of it. Boy defeats villain and the film is ready, with of course a tad bit of variations here and there (we can never underestimate Bollywood, can we?) You also have a number of subplots playing along the movie ending in a huge climax (Isnt that what we all love!!). The Indian movies are as spicy as its food.

But don’t be fooled! The topics and storyline may be very basic, but the colours and décor are so overwhelming that they make up for it. This entire look, by combining the “kitsch” and classical ingredients, is just what makes Indian Cinema so unique.

And how can we forget song and dance, the two elements that have become a trade mark of the film industry? Bollywood films are essentially musicals, and are expected to contain catchy music in the form of song and dance numbers woven into the script. A film's success often depends on the quality of such musical numbers. Heroes (in tight white pants with bell bottoms and tank tops) with their pelvic thrusts and actresses wearing heavy jewelry in their “ghagra cholis” running around “chane ke khet” is the first scene that comes to my mind when I think of a Bollywood dance. But, then again, that’s just me. You could go a step ahead and picture the pair dancing and gyrating in their skimpiest best with the mountains of Switzerland as their backdrop. If we had a hero (again in tight fitting white pants) playing hide and seek around trees with a heroine wearing equally gaudy clothes, we also had two roses touching to signify a kissing or love making scene. The “dhak dhak” scenes of women wearing chiffon saris in the rain, or the hippy culture in “Dum Maro Dum”, I can just go on and on with songs and scenes that defined Bollywood culture.

Bollywood is everywhere around us. From posters in barber shops and taxis to the songs playing on the FM day in and day out, it would be utterly foolish for someone to claim that they know the “true India” without truly appreciating its Cinema. The 'Real India' can only be understood by connecting to the emotions of its people and by understanding what touches their hearts, something which our cinema has managed to do over and over again. Bollywood has permeated into each and every aspect of our lives, be it the clothes we wear, the food we eat or the songs we dance to.

These movies make you cry ( “Nahin, yeh nahin ho sakta” ) your eyes out, laugh till you fall, shiver in fear ( “Kitne Aadmi the?” ), dance and make you go through a world wind of emotions before they end, always managing to leave a sense of satisfaction by the end of it. Be it the magic of the yesteryears or the fun and frolic of today, these movies have got what it takes to stir up anyone’s emotions. It’s true when they say that Bollywood isn’t just a film industry, it’s a way of life.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Deadlines. The name exudes a sense of horror every time I listen to it. Well it isn't surprising considering the fact that it has the word DEAD in it. We're following deadlines nearly everyday in our lives. "I want this file in by tomorrow" , "Wrap up this work in two hours" , "have to finish this chapter today" . So is that all that there is left of life? Has life just become one deadline after the other?

We all hate deadlines, but very frankly can't live without them either. They're like those ghastly medicines the doctors forced down my throat. Yes, I needed them to live. Thats what these deadlines do. We need them every single day of our lives. They help give life a direction, structure and sense. But while doing so, they rob us of one thing. Spontaneity. What fun is life if everything's so planned out? They rob us of the same happiness they give. Ironical na? Well what isnt? Only when you start pondering over these intricacies do you realise the ironies inherent in them.

But a question still remains. Why can't I respect deadlines set by me, and only take deadlines set by others very seriously? Is it my innate desire to pacify everyone or is it just because I don't take myself seriously . I would hate to consider both these prospects because they seem equally disastrous. But wait! Why is appeasing others so disastrous? I mean, shouldn't we help our fellow brothers and be as selfless as possible? Aha!! But there's a catch! I should only do so till I'm not hurting my own interests. But that means I'll have to be a tad bit selfish. But is it wrong?
Everyone's selfish after all.

Well, I've deviated from the topic (as usual) and have drawn an uncanny relationship between deadlines and being selfish. So once we complete our deadlines, we can be as selfless as possible. But then again, deadlines never do end and being selfless only counts when others need help, not when you're free. I shall ponder over this fact and procrastinate a little more and miss yet a another deadline. Notice how selfless I am.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Jab we met.......

me: JAB WE MET!!!
saw it for the first time today....
I love her character....
Garima: i know
is it over?
me: end ka rehta hai....
another 20 mins
Garima: okay
its quite cute
i am reminded of me and N****
me: no no no.....
Ur nothing like geet
Garima: he's like shahid though
me: I can relate more with her...
Garima: ufffff.....
me: RICH, Shy, and funny
Garima: ya
me: but im more fun!!!
Garima: thats what you think
me: childish
Garima: and i am CHIDLIKE
i am better
me: childlike is mature = boring
im jhatak matak
Garima: you are lots of spice without any taste
i am just the right blend of masalas
you are like janpath stuff
i am like branded stuff
you are 'in your face'
i evoke mystery
you try too hard
i am enchanting
me: madam......thats what makes me so special....
so what if I try too hard..........
Garima: that makes you local
me: so what if im in your face...??
and I love myself!!!
Garima: yeah
me: "main apna favourite hoon"
Garima: hmm

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

A Perspective on perspectives

Why is it that whenever I read another person's blog or a discourse I get so influenced by it that whenever I write my own piece, my chain of thoughts continuously steer in that direction? Their thoughts and ideas just permeate into mine. Now this is a tee bit scary, because either my perspectives are so flimsy that they shake whenever I'm introduced to a new idea or because I haven't put that amount of thought into life and aspects affecting it.

I'm glad that I've accepted this flaw in me, because I'm living in denial half the time. A superior attitude at an inferior status is, after all, the worst situation you could be in. But where do I go from here? I can stop reading altogether and prevent my mind from expanding its horizons in an attempt to find my own thoughts and voice which merely aren't "manufactured", but my own
Or I can just find my little voice in their thoughts.

But in pursuing the former, I'll block out the array of thoughts that millions of philosophers have passed down through the generations as a result of pondering over situations and facts of live. I call them philosophers for I can see their love for knowledge the quest to search for the "unpondered" . If I follow the latter, then I'll loose out on the joy of being me, where my logic and my reasoning are just mine and not of someone else's . Of course, I'll be glad if they share the same perspective, but at least the perspective is going to be mine.

I guess the only answer to this is that I question myself. Every time I'm introduced to an idea or a thought, I analyse it objectively and don't let my emotions play havoc with my mind . Thats what happens most of the times. I see their clarity in my chaos. The chaos in my head because of these silly emotions. But its so ironical, because I can't live without these very bursts of joy and anger. So then its a fight between facts and feelings, isn't it? I should learn to disagree or agree calmly and not be the rebel that I am. I should let the thoughts invade my mind so that I can reason with them and fight with them. Coming to conclusions at the drop of a hat or simply running away from something that attacks my line of thinking is something I really can do without. Ignorance really is bliss.

The mind has to be flexible enough to have a mature perspective. I'm stressing on mature because half the time we make false judgments based on our naivety due to the lack of experience. The experiences which make our perspectives richer, but also more rigid in a way. So let me get this straight? You do need more perspectives and views , so that you can build on your own. But you can't let them appeal to your emotional side. In this world were an opinion springs up every few nanoseconds, can I be strong enough to reason with all of them or just accept them as they are because others say so. Do I really need to have a perspective on everything, every time, or can I afford to be indifferent on some occasions? Do I really have to be so critical about everything that surrounds me? At least in an attempt to elevate my thoughts, I am building up on my ability to reason. Well these questions still daunt me and the road to "enlightenment" is indeed tough. But would I be erring on the edge of complacency if I were to say that at least Ive started caring?

Monday, April 7, 2008

Why do I love wasting time??

listening to random songs.........
playing my guitar........
chasing cars ..... (lol....u get the point!!!)
chatting up....
cheap ass msgs......
Day Dreaming.......
making plans that are never completed.....
watching the most hideous programs on the TV....
Guitar again....
Shit!!! Its 4 in the morning and I haven't completed this reading.....
oh.....lemme just finish writing my blog......

Goss Goss Goss!!!!!

Your heart skips a beat, your palms start sweating, you get goosebumps...... Yes its true. Your friends on the phone or on Gtalk have some fresh and steaming hot Goss.....Ahh!! Bless their souls....their daily dose of Goss just makes up my day!! They will ofcourse say it in the most matter-of-fact way, which is of course very boring. But spicing it up is my job!! Thats why they call me the Gossip Mongrel. Being the source of scandalous news is so much fun....but Its a tough job and with it comes alot of discipline, patience and responsibility. So here are some rules if you also want to be that GOSS KING or QUEEN (yes girls, I believe in Gender Equality!!) . So here goes nothing -

1. Don't Get excited when you receive the news, you may miss out the on the details. Ah..that brings me to my next point.

2. The Devil is in the details. Yes, honey....coz everyone knows whats happening thanks to the Mobile phone (Damn them!!). You're only worth it when you know more than all those cheap wannabe Gossip mongers. So that people call you and you can spice it up, according to their tastes of course.

3. Never Disclose your source. People will taunt you, bribe you and want to kill you. But a good Page 3 informer never discloses his/her sources.

4. The next point is rather tricky. This is where your expertise and years of practice comes in. Make sure you're only telling the goss to reliable sources. Dont let them quote you at all. I will elucidate this further for my dear readers. When calling a person to share the "news", get them so darn excited that they're jumping off their beds (but not too much because then u'll just dissapoint them) and then make them swear that they can't tell anyone (which of course they'll do!!). But this way they wont reveal your identity, because they already know that they're breaking your trust, so going ahead and revealing the source is just doubly sinful. Yes yes, there are pinky swears, there are those very random "God Promise" (which I dont believe in, so it works amazingly for me!!) and "mother swear", which is just hilarious again.

5. Yes, you can spice it up. Thats what rumours are!!! Thats your commission honey......after all, you've worked so very hard.

6.If you hate someone, put his name in between, just somehow!!! Its called innovation!!

7. A good Goss source is never ever involved in any scandal!!! You dont want people talking about you, do you??

8. Be as mysterious as possible, give them information in bits and pieces first asking them what they know about the entire thing.

9. Ok, this is the toughest my friends. GET RELIABLE SOURCES. Make sure they're fast, and they have solid news. And make sure they dont take over your regime and claim to be the new gossip people!!!

Its all about maintaining that delicate balance. Till then I leave you with these inspiring thoughts!!!

"News is about what people do. Gossip is about how they enjoyed doing it."

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news (read goss) , which obeys its own special laws."

So there you go you aspiring young kids!!!! The words of wisdom from your very own!!! I'll be back. But till then......LET THE GOSS BEGIN!!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Once upon a night

I was sitting on the floor staring blankly outside my window on this summer night, as if I were searching for something that could fill this void in me. It was raining, the drops of water fell from the skies peacefully. The guitar rested on the wall I was leaning against, but it just lay there today. The lamp above my head and the cup of tea wrapped around my fingers tried their best to ward off the cold, but that hollow feeling grew. The droplets striking my window tried to break the monotony but, in vain. I just sat there, enjoying this silence, devoid of the warmth I craved for. The flavours of the tea blended with the freshness of the earth and brought peace to my soul. I smiled, playing with what I had suppressed within me, as if enjoying it. I coiled my body, trying to find that warmth again. The wind gushed through the room again.

This was me. The me, no one knew.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Just some more quotes..........

Hitch Hikers guide to the Galaxy -

"You live and learn. At any rate, you live. "

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. "

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

Normal isn't something to aspire to, it's something to get away from.

Why should anyone be afraid of dying? Life will hurt you, not Death.

When money talks, nobody minds the grammar.

Living is easy with eyes closed...Misunderstanding is all you see... - The Beatles

When an equal loving cannot be, let the more loving one be me - Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. - Oscar Wilde

"My father used to say, "don't raise your voice. Improve your argument.'" - Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

longed for him. got him. shit. -margaret Atwood (Her in my case, but still!!)


News is about what people do. Gossip is about how they enjoyed doing it.

"I dont know what frightens me more, the power that crushes us, or our endless ability to endure it "

"Some of the worst wrongs, were caused by people who tried to change things"

"Sometimes you love only with hope, sometimes, you cry without tears. Sometimes, thats all that is left, to cling together till the dawn."

"Happiness is a myth. it was invented to make us buy things"

"At first, when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread instead is that we won’t stop loving them, even after they are dead and gone."

"If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke"

"You can never tell what people have inside them, until you start taking it away"

Songs that touch your soul

There just some songs
that seem to caress your soul.

They were meant for you
They were written for you
They make you laugh
They make you ponder
They just seem to make you
dream in wonder

As this song is playing over and over
it gets more addicting by the second.

I heard there was a secret chord
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
It starts from my nose and crinkles my toes
But right now everything is turning blue.
Well do it all, everything , on our own.
Because its just you and me, and all other people
with nothing to say, nothing to do.

Its what they do to me

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Love and Confusion......

She saw him with the corner of her eyes as she unbuttoned her shirt, slowly, taking it one at a time. He knew she wasn’t going to let him have it that easy. She did always say "Teasing's the best part". The shadows formed by the light dangling from the ceiling were playing with him as much as she was. At half past twelve on this cold winter night her silhouette, in those shadows, were making him imagine things which he never did. She untied her hair and hid herself behind it. Thats how she did it, thats how she loved it. Her eyes invited him. Yes, she was beautiful and yes, her eyes spoke a million words. He switched off the lights, only to see the moonlight working up its magic on her.

The grin on her faced said it all, she was enjoying every bit of his frustration. There was silence in the room, she could feel him breathing, in anticipation, she thought. He had green eyes, the ones that would drive any woman mad. He knew it.

He drew her closer, gently but firmly, as his arm curled around her waist. His breath moistened her nose. Her breath condensed in his. Her smile grew bigger as he caressed her back He knew she was ready. He wet his lips, she bit hers. He played with her ear and made his way to her chin, pulling her hair from behind so that it hurt. He heard her pain. His lips rolled down her neck. They kissed as he pushed her to the wall.

"Its my turn now," he thought to himself as he threw her on the bed and made his way down to her navel and brushed it with his upper lip. The ticklish feeling would have made any woman giggle, but not her, not tonight. As she tried to, she was thinking, thinking about Adam. It started drizzling outside.

Adam, he caressed her soul, not just her body. He tickled her mind, not just her navel. But it was over. She knew she could never love him again, could she? Her mind and her naked body swung between Adam and him. Lying on his bed, as he made love to her, in this two bedroom apartment, in New York, it just didn’t seem right. It just never felt the same. Would she ever feel anything like what she did with Adam? When they made love, it was soulful. She had to throw him out of her mind and body, what was she doing? She didnt say a word throughout the night.

It was true, he had everything a woman wanted, a woman desired. She had to be with him, but did she really want to? This wasn't the how she pictured it. He knew what he wanted, and he knew how to get it too. He tried harder to satisfy her, thinking it was one of her ways to tease him. If she cried right now, would it give it away? The drizzling gave way to a storm, it was pouring outside. But he loved her more than anything else. "No, NO; it doesn’t have to be this way" she thought to herself as she forced her body to like him, to like what he was doing to her. Her mind fighting the urge to cry, her body fighting the urge to crumple and coil. The thunder sliced the night sky.

"It was his fault, he deserved what he got.” I have to move on, have to let go……but like this?" She screamed, not loud enough for him to hear it. Didn’t he see the pain on her face? Was he busy satisfying her to even bother? He had a reputation to live up to you see. One that took him quite a number of women to achieve.

Was she just another one, whose name he would strike off after they were done or was she trying to get over her past by laying here with him? It was ironical indeed, they were making love.

The clock was ticking, trying to keep pace with them. Was there a future between them or was she just about to be thrown into the past? Could she possibly go back to him? Could she apologise to him for his mistake? Modesty was not one of her best virtues. The storm raged on through the night.....

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Lets just say..........

Garima: lets just say its our secret ;)

Samarjit: well...lets just say that I don't share secrets, thats why I talk alot...

Garima: lets just say i got to know a few of them

Samarjit: lets just say that those are to keep you pre occupied.....

Garima: lets just say that you are not as smart as you think you are

Samarjit: lets just say that, thats the image i've painted for you..........and u've fallen for it

Garima: lets just say that you are trying too hard to escape the reality

Samarjit: lets just say that everyones trying to...and i've succeeded

Garima: lets just say that you are a part of th crowd and the crowd can see through you

Samarjit: lets just say that i let that they cant see what i'm hiding.....

Garima: lets just say that you are living in a make believe world

Samarjit: lets just say that ive put in alot of effort to accommodate people in that world

Garima: lets just say that people are not there

Samarjit: lets just say that they are, thats why they can see through me

Garima: lets just say that they observe from a distance

Samarjit: lets just say that seeing is better than doing

Samarjit: lets just say that the only way to convince a fool is to let him have his own way....

Friday, March 21, 2008

Just a passing thought.....

Courage is not the absence the fear....its the judgment that other things are more important than fear......

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


You know the funny thing about exams is that everytime they come, I always feel that I should have been more regular with my studies and have not been able to do justice to them. There is that guilt So sad na. And then I promise myself that the next year I will be as diligent as possible. but then again you have those "evil" summer vacations which make you forget all your vows.....damn them.

But I suffer from another chronic ailment. Dont know what to call it. But I can't study till Im not tensed about the exams. And when Im tensed, I get so hyper that I can't study anyhow.....
And when I try to share this with someone...the answer I get is "Arre, chill maroo, you will top!!!"

Ya right!!!

there is so much to do right now..and such little time.....EHI, IED, Macro!!!! Im not even talking about micro......because I know its going to go really badly.....

Chalo lets see what happens.......Vaise Im writing something after a long time because I bought a new keyboard today....some stupid system32 virus wrecked up my computer and keyboard..........

So ya Im really happy......I think I'll call my beautiful black keyboard Chandrakanta. I was thinking of calling it Chymara......after buying that perfume for Isha madam (745 bucks for a 6cm tall bottle of perfume!!!...LOL) ..but chandrakanta is so much more appealing, isnt it?

Anyhow....I think I should end this right now...coz I have to go and study!!!!!
But after studying so hard...there's only one equation that stuck in my head


and trust me...I dont wanna get married......atleast for now!!!!!


Sunday, March 16, 2008

Saturday, March 15, 2008


..because the world tells you to,
..because you don't know what you're worth
Change...... that its someone else you see that mirror
Change...... that others can love you for who you are
Change...... that you can forget what you were
..because they say change is good
..or else you'll atrophy
..into a puppet
..because I can't respect your thoughts
..just change...

4 am.....

But right now.......The sun is trying to kill the moon

jUsT oNe Of tHoSe DaYs..........


Life's good.....

3:58 am
Honey and the blue moon......
Economic Growth...
Non functional keyboard.....
My Dhanno.....
Her repaired camera.....
lunch party....
No milk today....
The guitar....
Castor oil...
Lip balm......
the torch.....
blood and rust....

something tells me i should sleep now.......

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

In deep thought....

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Vivid memories

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The fire within..

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Non Samar - WHAT FUN!!!

If you didn't understand the title, I forgive you.....coz this is another one of my SUD type jokes if you get it!!! I'm talking about Winters actually (Non Summers...get it?? lol). But please forgive me for explaining things so much......can't help it...I feel everyone around me is dumb and I need to make sure you've understood. LOL...another explanation. As someone once said " never explain, your friends don't need it and your enemies will never believe you". What a joke!! I think people are your enemies coz you got off on a wrong start with them and they dont quite understand you. Imagine if you were in a different situation and different place, the same 'enemy would have helped you na.......anyhow.....I have digressed enough from the topic........Par kya karein? Imagination na......can't tie it down only!!!!

I got a message from POLKAs Today. for all of you who don't know what that is, its this every shady joint in Kailash Market which has free drinks for Ladies on Wednesdays and Thrusdays!! These are the times when I feel that it would have been so much better If I were a women. I mean changing your sex for free drinks might seem very surprising.....but hey!!! Free DRINKS!!! But somehow I make peace with myself by cracking an internal joke (only in your brain!!) by saying that at least I don't have to wear a bra!! LOL...Talk about gender equality!!! And I call myself a feminist!!

So coming back to the digressed point.....My very shady friends Disha, Kanika and Isra went to this joint and wrote my name in the register. So come very Tuesday and I get a reminder about the Ladies Day out!!! UGGHH!!!!

And these females get cheap thrills outta it......

Reminds me of the time when I uploaded Mayank's profile on (we match better!! and he would get replies from the wierdest girls!!!! WHAT FUN!!!!!

Anyhow...coming back to the main topic....I LOWE WINTERS!!!!! May seem very ironical considering I am Samar (lol....another SUD type joke), but I love it for the fact that it makes you feel so cozy!!!
Even though I hate taking baths, I lowe doing so in winters....again many people may think I'm crazy...coz...duh!!! who takes a bath in winters??........But I try to make up for all those times I haven't taken one in Summers, by taking them in winters!!!! The reason you ask?? LOL...HOT BOILING WATER!!!
Ahhhh....orgasmic I must say........
Then it comes to clothes!!!!! I love layering!!! What fun again....Summers mein toh its completely impossible....winters are fun!!!!!
Landing up in D school everyday , and amidst that fog, warming your hands by folding them around that glass of tea!!! What fun again!!!!!
And then eating ice cream (which is the most fun to eat in winters!!!!!!!!!!)

Finally after a loong and tiring day snugging into your quilts making sure all the sides of the quilt are tucked in nice and proper. one might that the cold is a monster and you're protecting yourself by making sure NO side is open.....then pushing your head inside the blanket....just to find that you are suffocating, five minutes into the you make this small hole from where your nose pops out. You cant even imagine all this in winters!!!

And shit!!! How can I forget Mufflers!!!! I love winters so that I can wear my mufflers!!!! And there are socks too!!!!! Trust me....The most satisfaction you get after buying something is when you buy underwear or socks!!! And then you wear floaters in the winters with those Funky Socks!!!! What fun!!!!!

I always think that you can study so much better in winters!!! I don't know why??

I toh wont even start on the food aspect...varna I'll be here the whole day!!!!!
Winters are the best time.....coz for one..your not sweating like pig......

but now they're going....and Ive caught a sad :(
But now I have to part with this beautiful season only to wait for it next year...sob sob.....

Until then......I'm happy that atleast SUMMERS ARE BACK!!! AND trust me he gets HOTTER by the year (Talk about self obsession!!!) lol

Saturday, February 16, 2008

There is more to love.............

Theres a love beyond love...
Its more than passion or trust
Its beyond respect and inspiration

Theres a love beyond love....
Sacrificing everything that made you
Without batting an eye lid
You don't know why..
You never cared to ponder

This love blinds..
If in darkness we find bliss..
And in bliss we find our life..
In life we find our salvation..
This love is more...
more than mere attraction..
Theres more to this love than love

This love binds
Binds you in the shackles on hope.
Hope, with which we live on
Hope, with which we battle poignancy
Hope, with which we cheat eternal silence

This love kills
If killing means
ridding your mind of suspicion
and evils that plague your mind

There is more to this love
than mere words
Where the lexicon limits us
Where imagination pulls us back
Where our people stop us..

There is more to love than instinct
There is more to this love....

Friday, February 15, 2008

Kya hai locha?

Arre bhai locha kya hai?
Gajab khodpi kahaan gayi?
Fultoo timepass kar raha hai
Dimaag ki waat laga di
holi se pehle naha liya...
yeh kya kar daala?
ghor apmaan....

taking a bath!!!
ufff......So over rated!!
If you take one gives a rats ass
If you dont!!!

That too with cold water...
What wrong have I ever done to you?
Please give me an incentive....
Mann saaf rakho...
Itni materialistic cheezon mein time wastage...
Focus on more important topics...
World peace..
But oh no no no no....

Prey, tell me
Why was a Deo invented?
ha ha ha ha
another one of my rhetorical questions....
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Thursday, February 14, 2008

"Sorry" - the hardest thing to say

"Sorry", the toughest thing I've done
Accepting your imperfections
Diluting your arrogance
Looking someone in the eye
when you mean it with all your heart
and they just don't care

Yes, you deserved what you did,
How could you do that?
There's nothing left to justify.....

Cowards fled,
weak hearted fail,
Fortitude at its best
when you don't expect a reply
when you wish you got one...

Its finally over,
men appreciate me
so do women
the stone pouncing on your heart
melts away...

A good nights sleep
seems so worth it
I've been forgiven.....

"Falling" in love?

It was 14th of February and I could really feel the love in the air. As I was walking through the Kamla Nagar market, adjacent to the North Campus of the Delhi University, I could see the excitement buzzing through the people there. The shops were stocked with cards, chocolates and presents. Even vendors were roaming on the streets selling red roses and heart shaped balloons.

In the midst of all this, I noticed a lot of hustle bustle ahead. The police had placed barricades on the road, news channels were flooding the market and there were some people distributing pamphlets. I realized that the Shiv Sena was staging a protest against the Valentine’s Day celebration in the Delhi University. I wasn’t appalled by the fact that they were staging a protest because they do that every year. I was perturbed by what was written on that pamphlet and the orthodox ideas the Shiv Sena intended to voice.

The pamphlet, for one, had the photographs of Bal Thakeray, Udhav Thakeray and Jaibhagwaan Goyal along with their party symbol. I couldn’t stop myself from believing that this was nothing but a political stunt. ‘VALENTINE’S DAY’ was written below these photographs followed by a statutory warning, ‘ATTENTION’, to add to the affect and make their point clearer, there were roses printed with cross signs over them. They claimed this day to be against the Indian ethos and that it celebrated “vulgarity and violence”, something which I couldn’t digest. I do agree that the Valentine’s Day has become a marketing gimmick and that you don’t need these expensive gifts to put your love across to your beloved. I also agree that it does bring along with it, a little sense of vulgarity, but at the heart of it, it is still a day to tell your loved ones that you care for them.

The Shiv Sena had also written in the pamphlet that this day is nothing but a conspiracy against the youth, forcing them to deviate from their “path”, and that we, men, were degrading the women and their position in the society by giving them gifts and also that such days gave rise to incidents of rape and sexual harassment.

They also proclaimed that festivals like Diwali, Holi, Karva Chauth, 15th August and Basant Panchami were sufficient enough to celebrate love and they didn’t need such western influences distorting our society.

They, in their own “good” ways, were trying to protect people from becoming “victims” of the western culture and were concerned that such immoral celebrations would corrupt the youth and compel them to part ways with their values and traditions. They wanted the youth to understand the difference between “traditional Indian values” and “western promiscuity”.

If the Shiv Sena does feel that we are “degrading” women by presenting them with gifts, then can someone go and ask them what they are doing about the issues of child marriage, sati, dowry and other such ill practices that plague our society today?

Are the traditions and values we inherit, so fragile that this so-called “western culture” will destroy it? Either the Shiv Sena is too paranoid or they don’t hold their values in high esteem and are very insecure about it. We should not forget as to how India got her rich heritage and values that she is known for. She has always been a country who has given shelter to all religions, cultures and thoughts. A country who has always imbibed values from “foreign” influences and has made her customs stronger. Right from the Aryans, followed by The Mauryas, The Guptas, Chalukyas, Cholas, the Pallavas and the Pandyas to the Mughals and then the British, India has never had a history of being orthodox in adopting various cultures. If India has stood the test of times for centuries, why does the Shiv Sena deem it to be so vulnerable? Who is Bal Thakarey to decide what is good for our culture and what is not?

People in this country are mature enough to understand their customs and values. The Shiv Sena should also realize that with changing times, the society evolves and values evolve with it. The true meaning of the values doesn’t change, what changes is the way people interpret them. This is essentially how the youth can comes to terms with the past. If the Shiv Sena cares so much for our country, then they should rather invest their time in problems which are more important than these. What do values mean to a poor person who can’t get two square meals a day? There are a number of social evils prevalent in India which need urgent attention rather than fighting for petty issues like these.

It would only help if the Shiv Sena saw it from a different perspective. They could rise above the trivial meaning of this celebration and use it as a platform to spread love between not only the two sexes, but also religions, castes and countries; and take it to another level altogether. As it is said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”