Goss Goss Goss!!!!!

Your heart skips a beat, your palms start sweating, you get goosebumps...... Yes its true. Your friends on the phone or on Gtalk have some fresh and steaming hot Goss.....Ahh!! Bless their souls....their daily dose of Goss just makes up my day!! They will ofcourse say it in the most matter-of-fact way, which is of course very boring. But spicing it up is my job!! Thats why they call me the Gossip Mongrel. Being the source of scandalous news is so much fun....but Its a tough job and with it comes alot of discipline, patience and responsibility. So here are some rules if you also want to be that GOSS KING or QUEEN (yes girls, I believe in Gender Equality!!) . So here goes nothing -

1. Don't Get excited when you receive the news, you may miss out the on the details. Ah..that brings me to my next point.

2. The Devil is in the details. Yes, honey....coz everyone knows whats happening thanks to the Mobile phone (Damn them!!). You're only worth it when you know more than all those cheap wannabe Gossip mongers. So that people call you and you can spice it up, according to their tastes of course.

3. Never Disclose your source. People will taunt you, bribe you and want to kill you. But a good Page 3 informer never discloses his/her sources.

4. The next point is rather tricky. This is where your expertise and years of practice comes in. Make sure you're only telling the goss to reliable sources. Dont let them quote you at all. I will elucidate this further for my dear readers. When calling a person to share the "news", get them so darn excited that they're jumping off their beds (but not too much because then u'll just dissapoint them) and then make them swear that they can't tell anyone (which of course they'll do!!). But this way they wont reveal your identity, because they already know that they're breaking your trust, so going ahead and revealing the source is just doubly sinful. Yes yes, there are pinky swears, there are those very random "God Promise" (which I dont believe in, so it works amazingly for me!!) and "mother swear", which is just hilarious again.

5. Yes, you can spice it up. Thats what rumours are!!! Thats your commission honey......after all, you've worked so very hard.

6.If you hate someone, put his name in between, just somehow!!! Its called innovation!!

7. A good Goss source is never ever involved in any scandal!!! You dont want people talking about you, do you??

8. Be as mysterious as possible, give them information in bits and pieces first asking them what they know about the entire thing.

9. Ok, this is the toughest my friends. GET RELIABLE SOURCES. Make sure they're fast, and they have solid news. And make sure they dont take over your regime and claim to be the new gossip people!!!

Its all about maintaining that delicate balance. Till then I leave you with these inspiring thoughts!!!

"News is about what people do. Gossip is about how they enjoyed doing it."

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news (read goss) , which obeys its own special laws."

So there you go you aspiring young kids!!!! The words of wisdom from your very own!!! I'll be back. But till then......LET THE GOSS BEGIN!!